An American Carol

A Review By Freedom Fan

An American Carol opened Friday, October 3 and I decided it was my duty as an American Conservative to go see it. I wasn't expecting much, but when I thought of the bravery it must have taken for all the big Hollywood names to come out of the closet as Conservatives, I felt it was the least I could do. I was delightfully surprised. I got there on time, so took one of the last available seats in the crowded theater, populated mainly by middle aged folks like me.

An American Carol is a parody on Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol in which an America-hating Michael Moore Scrooge character, "Michael Malone" is visited by great Americans throughout history and 'gently urged' to repent his sins. Malone is campaigning to end the celebration of the Fourth of July because America's past and present are too offensive to celebrate.

The movie is narrated by Leslie Nielson and stars Jon Voight as George Washington, Kelsey Grammar as Patton, country singer Trace Adkins as the Angel of Death, Bill O'Reilly as himself, Robert Davi as the terrorist leader, with celebrity cameos by Dennis Hopper, James Woods, Gary Coleman, and Paris Hilton.

I remember David Zucker's movie Airplane! which at first I thought was one of the most irreverently funny movies I had seen, until the predictable slapstick got kinda boring, and needed much better editing toward the end. But Zucker did not make the same mistake in An American Carol, which was poignantly funny all the way through. Zucker's other movies include The Naked Gun, Scary Movie, Police Squad, Top Secret, and many sequels.

True, the Michael Moore character, "Michael Malone", was slapped or met with random violence about 1,033 times, but curiously, I never seemed to tire of this device. Kevin Farley, brother of the late Chris Farley, played the character brilliantly.

It probably doesn't bother Michael Moore to be thought by millions to be a goofball 'America-hater', but undoubtedly he will be disturbed at the way the movie relentlessly dismisses him as merely a maker of 'documentaries' rather than real feature movies.

Here are some of my favorite parts:

* A parody on Rosie O'Donnell who is such an extreme leftist whacko that she even embarrasses leftist whacko Michael Moore. Then a skit ridicules her familiar leftist mantra that Christians are even more dangerous than Islamic fundamentalists.

* A musical number performed by the faculty of Columbia U. (they actually use that name) tells students that they automatcially get extra credit if they're "poor, black or gay."

* A skit ripping the leftist "War Is Never The Answer" mantra, in which Malone visits slaves on his own modern day cotton plantation, after Lincoln negotiated with the South rather than fighting the Civil War.

* When a Hollywood actor accepts an award and congratulates Hollywood for being 'brave' by ripping nazis and other assorted erstwhile boogeymen while totally ignoring Islamist terrorists who might actually threaten any Hollywood type who accurately represented them. (Hopefully actors in this film will not themselves be in danger from Islamists.)

* A patriotic country song by Trace Adkins during which the audience is panned to reveal singing ghosts of American soldiers from present day back through each of the wars back to the birth of the U.S.

In the theater, the movie received a spontaneous burst of loud applause at the end, which I thought was very cool.

If you are a leftist professor, Hollywood actor, mainstream media type, or other assorted leftist moonbat, get your chuckles off at some Oliver Stone or Bill Maher or one of thousands of similar Liberal flicks instead. I have more important things to do ... like pick up pet poop.

However, if you are a Conservative, run immediately ... do not pass 'go' ... see the movie today!